Define Self

Being a senior in college is something I never really expected to experience. It leaves me with a lot of questions.  It makes me question a lot about myself.  It makes me doubt who I am.

Sitting in the university's library today with  nothing to do but two hours to waste, I started getting bored of the internet.  So, I started watching the quirks of the library shut-ins.  There are people who sit and constantly brush their hair either with their hand or with an exasperated breath.  There are people who come to "study" with their friends.  The are the couples who can't stand to be apart for more than a few hours.

Then, there is me.  The one of two tutors that live in the small side room of the library with a small bucket of candy to keep me awake in the late night hours.  I was talking with a fellow student and tutor today who is also a senior, graduating at semester, and we got deep.  Or at least, we got serious.  He started off the conversation asking what I wanted to do with my life.

Loaded question.  What do I want to do with my life?  I don't even know!  I have spent the last 16 years of my life having people tell me what I must know and what I must do. When "the man" finally tells me that I can choose, I feel like I have had the safety net cut from beneath me in one moment.  Somehow, I think the world could do a better job of communicating their expectations to a young adult.

My decision had to be based on something, so I started looking at what I do well.  I listen well, I learn well, and I remember things I think are interesting very well.  Okay then, follow up question:  Who am I?

This was something that I could only answer after several personality profiles.  I learned that I am a people person.  I am highly invested in watching and helping others grow.  I have the ability to store and catalog information in my compartmentalized brain and recall it when I think it is related. I have the desire for harmony and I have a positivity in life that can overpower all other needs/desires.

Clearly, this is all about people.  I am all about people.  Therefore, I only know that I must be with people.  Sadly, this does not pinpoint any jobs for me.

I spoke with my friend and I brought up the idea that I could work  in a Zoo-not really as an event coordinator or CEO, but a woman who gets daily interaction with the people who come to be mystified.  Potentially, this means that I would see the same things day in and day out.  You know, "these are the monkeys, this is what they eat, this is what they do," but I would also have the ability to see people grow through the knowledge that they can learn from me.  Or perhaps I could work in a sort of horse-therapy situation.  A place where I can watch people be healed, comforted and grow through the time they spend with the horses.  Somehow, I can make a difference in people's lives and somehow, I need to find out how.

In conclusion, I suppose I have learned that I must experiment.  I must try things new and different to see where I fit.  To see where I could grow and help.  To see who I am.