Being a senior in college is something I never really expected to experience. It leaves me with a lot of questions. It makes me question a lot about myself. It makes me doubt who I am.
Sitting in the university's library today with nothing to do but two hours to waste, I started getting bored of the internet. So, I started watching the quirks of the library shut-ins. There are people who sit and constantly brush their hair either with their hand or with an exasperated breath. There are people who come to "study" with their friends. The are the couples who can't stand to be apart for more than a few hours.
Then, there is me. The one of two tutors that live in the small side room of the library with a small bucket of candy to keep me awake in the late night hours. I was talking with a fellow student and tutor today who is also a senior, graduating at semester, and we got deep. Or at least, we got serious. He started off the conversation asking what I wanted to do with my life.
Loaded question. What do I want to do with my life? I don't even know! I have spent the last 16 years of my life having people tell me what I must know and what I must do. When "the man" finally tells me that I can choose, I feel like I have had the safety net cut from beneath me in one moment. Somehow, I think the world could do a better job of communicating their expectations to a young adult.
My decision had to be based on something, so I started looking at what I do well. I listen well, I learn well, and I remember things I think are interesting very well. Okay then, follow up question: Who am I?
This was something that I could only answer after several personality profiles. I learned that I am a people person. I am highly invested in watching and helping others grow. I have the ability to store and catalog information in my compartmentalized brain and recall it when I think it is related. I have the desire for harmony and I have a positivity in life that can overpower all other needs/desires.
Clearly, this is all about people. I am all about people. Therefore, I only know that I must be with people. Sadly, this does not pinpoint any jobs for me.
I spoke with my friend and I brought up the idea that I could work in a Zoo-not really as an event coordinator or CEO, but a woman who gets daily interaction with the people who come to be mystified. Potentially, this means that I would see the same things day in and day out. You know, "these are the monkeys, this is what they eat, this is what they do," but I would also have the ability to see people grow through the knowledge that they can learn from me. Or perhaps I could work in a sort of horse-therapy situation. A place where I can watch people be healed, comforted and grow through the time they spend with the horses. Somehow, I can make a difference in people's lives and somehow, I need to find out how.
In conclusion, I suppose I have learned that I must experiment. I must try things new and different to see where I fit. To see where I could grow and help. To see who I am.
Tuesday, October 8, 2013
Monday, April 29, 2013
Spring
I suppose that the warm weather is influencing my mood but I am perfectly fine with this.
Today is a Monday and I wasn't expecting it to be any different from any other day but something today is. I woke up this morning from a really entrancing dream and I couldn't ignore my alarm clock well enough to get to the end. So I did get out of bed. I spent the first few 15 minutes of my day reading first Samuel and praying that I could enjoy whatever God had planned for me and also that I could learn something from him.
I wasted my time getting ready because I knew that I needed to go practice piano for my lesson today. I've been a very bad student and have not practiced at all in the past week... so I carefully arranged my backpack and debated for several extra minutes whether I wanted to truly wear flip flops. Finally I made it out into the practice room and there further angered myself. I tried to better understand a piece that is new to me and it is in a new book.
New books are my bane. I don't mind learning new music, I simply get exponentially more frustrated as each second that I play the book slowly starts to close. First by inches then by pages. I got so frustrated at the end of an hour that I bent the entire book harshly and ended up pulling a few pages halfway out of their binding because of my anger. I decided that was the time to quit playing piano.
I walked across campus taking my time and the weather just hit me. The grass curled over onto my feet (for I did choose to wear flip flops) and the wind brought that wonderful feeling of being weightless. It was like a day to remember had just started. A group of my friends were standing across campus making faces at me as I walked up and we all laughed and joked until we were late for class. So, we sauntered in late and then "casually" brought up the fact to the prof that we need to go outside for class. (A common argument) She said yes!
We spent the class making up half thought out answers and then we just discussed the hour away. One of my friends makes movie references every chance she gets and I wasn't disappointed today. The most common reference being from the not-too-old movie Tangled where she sings "just feel the grass, the dirt, the way I'd dreamed they'd be." We have plans for lunch and another class with the same prof, hopefully that class will be outside too!
I can't help but smile as the day just promises to get better and better. I have laughed often today and I have enjoyed the sun already more than the entire semester combined.
"Who could ask for anything more?"
Today is a Monday and I wasn't expecting it to be any different from any other day but something today is. I woke up this morning from a really entrancing dream and I couldn't ignore my alarm clock well enough to get to the end. So I did get out of bed. I spent the first few 15 minutes of my day reading first Samuel and praying that I could enjoy whatever God had planned for me and also that I could learn something from him.
I wasted my time getting ready because I knew that I needed to go practice piano for my lesson today. I've been a very bad student and have not practiced at all in the past week... so I carefully arranged my backpack and debated for several extra minutes whether I wanted to truly wear flip flops. Finally I made it out into the practice room and there further angered myself. I tried to better understand a piece that is new to me and it is in a new book.
New books are my bane. I don't mind learning new music, I simply get exponentially more frustrated as each second that I play the book slowly starts to close. First by inches then by pages. I got so frustrated at the end of an hour that I bent the entire book harshly and ended up pulling a few pages halfway out of their binding because of my anger. I decided that was the time to quit playing piano.
I walked across campus taking my time and the weather just hit me. The grass curled over onto my feet (for I did choose to wear flip flops) and the wind brought that wonderful feeling of being weightless. It was like a day to remember had just started. A group of my friends were standing across campus making faces at me as I walked up and we all laughed and joked until we were late for class. So, we sauntered in late and then "casually" brought up the fact to the prof that we need to go outside for class. (A common argument) She said yes!
We spent the class making up half thought out answers and then we just discussed the hour away. One of my friends makes movie references every chance she gets and I wasn't disappointed today. The most common reference being from the not-too-old movie Tangled where she sings "just feel the grass, the dirt, the way I'd dreamed they'd be." We have plans for lunch and another class with the same prof, hopefully that class will be outside too!
I can't help but smile as the day just promises to get better and better. I have laughed often today and I have enjoyed the sun already more than the entire semester combined.
"Who could ask for anything more?"
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